I Drank Blue Algae and I Didn't Hate It. Send Help. Review: Sweet Soul (South Tampa)

 After surviving the tequila situation at Green Lemon (see my last review), I woke up with the kind of headache that usually requires a bacon-egg-and-cheese and a prayer. But my Tampa friends insisted we go to Sweet Soul.

"It's a superfood bar," they said. "It's plant-based," they said.

I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my own brain. In New York, "plant-based dessert" usually tastes like frozen cardboard and sadness. I walked in expecting to hate everything. The menu is full of puns like "Don’t Kale My Vibe" and "Luv U So Matcha." If a bodega guy in Queens said that to me, I’d call the cops.

But listen... I might be losing my edge, because this place is actually legitimate.

The Smoothies: No Ice, No Scams

Here’s a scam I see in the City all the time: You pay $12 for a smoothie, and they fill the cup 60% with ice. You take three sips and it’s gone.

I looked at the menu here. "Oatmeal Cookie" (Banana, Almond Milk, Oats, Maple). "Coffee Date" (Cold Brew, Dates, PB). "Blue Bahamian" (Blue Majik—whatever that is).

I ordered the Coffee Date because I needed caffeine to function. The Verdict: It was thick. Like, milkshake thick. They don’t use ice fillers. It’s just straight ingredients. I respect the hustle. It actually tasted like coffee and peanut butter, not watered-down slush.

Also, I noticed they offer a "Hangover Powder" add-on for $2. I don't know what’s in it—probably magic dust and aspirin—but the fact that they have it on the menu proves they know their demographic. They know we were all at Green Lemon last night. I appreciate the self-awareness.

The "Ice Cream" (That Isn't Ice Cream)

They call it "Sweet Swirlz." It’s plant-based soft serve. I stared at the "The Elvis" on the menu: Chocolate soft serve, banana, peanut butter. I asked the kid behind the counter, "Be honest. Does this taste like coconut sunscreen?" He said no. He was right.

I don’t know what kind of physics they are bending to make non-dairy milk that creamy, but it works. It didn't leave that weird film in my mouth. It was rich. And the "Cookie Monster" (Vanilla soft serve with a cookie)? It felt like I was cheating on my diet, but apparently, it’s "clean." Sure. I’ll take it.

The Bowls: Eating Algae in Public

I felt adventurous, so I looked at the Soul Bowls. You pick a base, fruits, granola, and toppings. The bases are wild. "Nova Blend" has coconut milk and blue algae. I’m from a concrete jungle; we don’t eat algae. We scrub it off the walls.

But I tried it. It’s bright blue. It looks radioactive. And... it tastes like tropical fruit. They have toppings like Bee Pollen, Hemp Seeds, and Ginger Crystals. I felt like I was mixing a potion in a witch's apothecary. I went with the Maple Vanilla Granola (homemade, apparently) and Almond Butter drizzle.

It was fresh. The fruit was actually ripe—not those rock-hard strawberries you get at the corner deli.

The Bottom Line

Look, Sweet Soul is undeniably "South Tampa." It’s pretty, it’s expensive (smoothies hit the $12.50 mark for the big size), and everyone in line looks like they just finished a Pilates class.

But as a cynic who loves sugar and hates "wellness trends," I have to admit: it’s good. I walked out feeling energized instead of sluggish. I didn't need a nap.

If you’re in the neighborhood and you’ve eaten too many tacos, this is the reset button. Just don’t tell my guys back in Brooklyn I ate "Blue Majik" and liked it. They’ll never let me live it down.

Rating: 8/10. (Would be a 9, but I deducted a point for the pun "Don't Kale My Vibe.")